Transparent

: adjective, able to be seen through with clarity.

There are so many things to say about parenthood, and raising children in general. It's exciting, fun, exhilarating, frustrating, painful, embarrassing, hilarious, tragic, exhausting, rewarding, humbling.... Need I go on?

I think one of the most surprising things about parenthood for me is how it has awoken this Holy fear within me. No, not shaking in my boots with fright. But a reverent, awe-filled wonderment of the Creator.

In some book I read at some point it talked about how we are to be Christ to our kids. No, not sacrificing our own lives to save theirs, paving a way to have relationship with God. Rather, show our children the love of Christ by example. Your kids will look up to you as an example in how to handle things, how to live life, how to glorify God. They will look to you to see what it is to love Christ.

When I realized this, I took a long, hard look at myself. How am I showing the love of Christ to my girl? How am I not showing the love of Christ to my girl? Before motherhood, I strived to lead a life pleasing and glorifying God. But, now, as a mother, its intensified all the more.

Not only is this desire to glorfiy God intensified, but its almost like all of my shortcomings or faults have been magnified times ten in front of me.

Would you like to know when I'm dealing with impatience? Just listen to the tone in my precious two year old's voice. Is she somewhat growling and maybe even talking through clenched teeth? Oh, why yes she is.

Would you like to know when I'm dealing with laziness? Just look at my couch where we might just be sitting, watching TV for the umpteenth hour.

Would you like to know when I'm dealing with fright (mainly, the dark)? Just listen to the little toddler who is terrified to be in her own room; alone.

It's as if she is displaying all of my non-terrific qualities for the whole world to see. (As if I weren't doing that already?) Not only the whole world, but those qualities are on full display for me too.

Being a mother has left me transparent.