The emotions have run rampant and have left me raw. And I know there will be many more to come.
The tear ducts in my eyes have been on over-drive since we started this process called "adoption." When I'm sure there are no more tears to cry, my cheeks are moistened again. And I know there will be more tears to come.
And the funny part. We are just barely at the tip of the ice-berg.
We've sat in a handful of classes, and are just past the half-way point.
I've labored over paper-work and sent in forms for this and for that, while there are more forms to chase and fill out.
And when I don't think my mind can handle any more statistics, or my heart can carry the burden of one more horrific story, I keep marching to the steady beat of the drum I've followed for most of my life. The same constant rhythm that has sustained me. Because no matter where I am, no matter how I feel, no matter what the world is throwing at me… I can see it's steady theme in my life. And my prayer is that you can see it in me, too.
It is the all-consuming grace of Jesus. His grace is sufficient for me. His grace alone is enough.
It sustains me through the joys, the sorrows, the heartbreak, the heaviness, and the calamities of this world.
And when I feel like this broken world, and all the horrific stories and scars and battle wounds, has gotten the best of me.. and beaten me up, and I just feel so weak. When the pain is too much to bear, then I know that His power will rest upon me.
It is in understanding that in no way can I do this by my own strength that I wade into the heaviness called adoption. It is for Christ's sake that I can be content in my weakness, because I know that I am strong in Him.
It is for this reason that we can be content pursuing our son's heart, and walking with him through whatever hurt he may have. It is only by the strength of the Holy Spirit that we will be able to walk with him through the healing.